He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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