So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize