so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
