Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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