i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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