I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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