I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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