3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
