i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
