i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
