I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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