Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
