Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
