Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize