Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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