Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
