I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
