I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
