First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
