Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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