Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
