thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
