I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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