That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize