dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
