I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
