my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
