Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Randomize
