Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
