I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
