if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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