I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
