I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
