and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
