I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
