You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
