are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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