Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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