her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
