why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
