Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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