Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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