i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
