i'm signing you up for texting rehab
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
