after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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