My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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