I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
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