I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
