i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
