I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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