I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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