Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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