i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
