Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
