you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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