Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
