meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
