hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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