never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
