Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
