hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
