do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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