Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
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