Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
