Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
