butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
