just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize