At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
