i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
