i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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