My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
