I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize