I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
