The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
