Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My bed smells like the plague
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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